


Flashbacks

by Grumpykawa



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mainly just sad, The working title was "Pearl cries for a thousand years"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 06:38:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17657831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grumpykawa/pseuds/Grumpykawa
Summary: Pearl blames herself for not being able to save the gems who fought beside her in the war, and now that it's over, the memories come back to haunt her. Thankfully Jasper is there to help her.





	Flashbacks

  The Ocean was rumbling below, dark and empty, as the sun sunk into it, the appearing stars shimmering on the surface like little dots of snow. She didn’t know how long she had been sitting there, staring out into the seemingly endless sky.

  Pearl sighed and pulled her legs up to her chest, feeling so very small in the huge vastness of space.

  It was over.

  The war, the suffering, the fear they had all been through for thousands of years. But while things were changing, it was hard to let go of the past and all the pain they went through.

  Now that it was over, the only things she had to face, were the memories echoing inside her head. The memories of war were still fresh in Pearl’s mind, plaguing her everytime she tried to rest.

  And now they were clearer than ever before, now that she could finally settle down. On the outside the war was over, but it still raged on in her heart.

  And though the corruption was fixed now, and everyone had been restored to themself again, even if they were permanently scarred, that did not bring back those who got shattered, those who are gone forever.

  Pearl’s eyes grew watery and the once beautiful sunset turned into a bunch of discoloured splotches. She could feel her entire body shaking as her breath hitched.

 

  She still remembered having to collect their shards after each battle, her hands bloodied by their sharp edges whenever she wasn’t careful. Their silent screams she felt when she picked them up, disoriented, confused and searching to be one again.

 

  But she knew, this could never be again. Pearl knew they would never be formed together again, never be free, never be painless again. There was no hope for them, and she knew it.

  She couldn’t protect everyone.

  It should’ve been clear to her, especially after how much she had grown, that she doesn’t have to sacrifice herself for others, the way she used to for Pink. But she felt like she could’ve done more to protect them.

  But she didn’t.

  She just kept throwing herself in front of the same person, over, and over, and over again. All while her comrades got shattered into a million pieces.

  She should’ve trusted Pink more, protected the other soldiers. Pearl could’ve been there.

  She could’ve protected them.

  But she never moved a muscle to save them. And the feeling of guilt and shame had never been stronger in her heart. The pastel gem wanted to sink into the ground, disappearing, drowning in her shame.

  Pearl felt like she was suffocating, despite her not needing to breath. It felt like she was being crushed by the weight of the sky itself as the world spun out of control. Pearl clenched her sides, shaking uncontrollably as she desperately clasped for air.

 

  She didn’t know whether she was screaming or whether she was silent like a fish, as the weight started to crush her. She thought she saw glittering pieces of gems, floating around, screaming, and she went to answer.

    “I-I’m sorry! I couldn’t save you! I couldn’t do anything!”, she yelled, though her throat felt sore and rough, as if it hadn’t been used in centuries.

  But she knew it was a lie. She could’ve done something, she could’ve saved them. And they screamed back, so loud her ears almost bursted.

  She grabbed her bangs of hair and curled up, trying to shield of, but it was all for naught, for the sound was too loud. Pearl felt as if she couldn’t move, even though she wanted to run, she wanted to flee.

    “I’m sorry! Please! I didn’t want for you to end up like this!”, she yelped back, but her voice cracked into a whisper. She felt as if they were getting closer, as if she was trapped and she screamed when she felt something heavy touch her shoulder.

 

    “Hey, are you okay? Pearl… Pearl speak to me…”

  But she couldn’t make a sound, her throat was clogged up through her tears, though Pearl’s eyes slowly focused again until she could make out the horizon again. She felt large hands on her shoulder, gently placed as to not suffocate her even further.

 

    “Pearl… it’s okay now… you’re safe…”, the soft voice muttered, the hand on the gems shoulder softly stroking it.

  Pearl was still shaking and sobbing, but she managed to turn around and while she only could make out a huge orange splotch, she knew that it was Jasper, sitting behind her. She shook and let out a large sob, before burying her face in the larger gem’s shoulder.

 

  Jasper was taken by surprise, but she just responded by cradling the smaller gem in her strong arms. She shushed Pearl softly, wanting her to feel secure, worried about the state she was in.

    “It’s okay… there’s no one here besides us… you’re safe”, Jasper mumbled, stroking Pearl’s hair with her clawed hand, gentle as to not hurt her, and she could feel her slowly calm back down.

  After a while, Pearl’s breathing had stopped and her shaking mostly subsided. She still had her face buried in the larger gem’s uniform, her eyes clenched shut.

 

  Jasper brought her face gently up to her own and Pearl looked at her, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She stroked her cheek and the smaller gem leaned into her hand, closing her eyes again for another moment.

    “What happened Pearl…”, Jasper asked softly, not to disturb her, now that Pearl had finally calmed down. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want too…”, Jasper added quickly, but Pearl shook her head.

    “I-it’s okay…”, Pearl muttered, her voice still hoarse and shaky. She slowly explained to Jasper, telling her about her feelings of guilt. The huge gem listened closely, and she cradled Pearl close again as she was tearing up after she was done speaking.

    “I-it’s my fault… Maybe if I…”, The pastel gem got cut off as another sob crawled up her throat. “I… I could’ve saved them…”

    “It’s okay… it’s over now…”, Jasper cooed, pulling Pearl closer. “I know how you feel Pearl… But now there’s nothing you can do to change the past… You just have to keep moving and make the best of it… that’s what I do…”

    “I-I know… but it keeps coming back…”

    “It will, but it will get better with time… I sometimes still think about what happened… I know how you feel Pearl… and I am there whenever you need me…”, Jasper spoke, her rough voice soft and caring.

    “T-thank you…”, Pearl muttered, before she began to cry once again, burying her face from the world as Jasper gently rubbed her back.

  They sat like this for another hour in each others comfort, until Pearl’s shaking had finally subsided and her breathing calmed down. She looked up at the large gem, a small smile on her lips.

  Suddenly Jasper pressed her lips onto Pearl’s, and Pearl squawked in surprise. She then pulled back, a soft blush on her face while Pearl’s was completely flushed.

    “I love you Pearl. And I am glad that you’re here…”, Jasper muttered gently before pulling Pearl into a tight hug.

    “I love you too…”


End file.
